What to do??

Sometimes things just happen for a reason.  You are in that place at that time (I am hesitant to call it the right place at the right time…not sure why).  You walk into a situation and you have the opportunity to offer another way that was not available.  That doesn’t necessarily mean that you should offer another way, but the stars have aligned…and there it is…the opportunity.

What do you do?  What do I do?  Today’s musing is me giving voice to a conversation that has been rattling in my head since Christmas Eve.  I am at a crossroads and I am genuinely unsure of what to do next.

It would be unfair to babble using vague examples, so I will set the stage.  I have been an Episcopalian for my entire life (for those of you who need reference for that you can go here – http://www.episcopalchurch.org/posts/publicaffairs/episcopal-church-core-beliefs-and-doctrines to find out all about what we believe).  I have been a member of Grace Church Baldwinsville for most of my life.  My wife has been received in our church, both of my daughters are baptized Episcopalians, and when we go to church, we go to Grace.  We have tried other churches but Grace is home.

When I was very young (somewhere between 2nd and 4th grade), I began singing in the choir.  My Grace Church Choir experience (and Phyllis Spisak) is probably the single greatest factor in my decision to become a chorus teacher.  The adults who nurtured me through the years are an integral part of my development into an adult.  Over the years, I have sang in the Grace Church choir and watched as people come and go, but the core group of 4-10 stays the same.  That core group has kept that choir going for 30+ years.  Many of them are now 60+ years old.  Through 3 or 4 organist/choir directors they have kept the faith and I have nothing but the utmost respect for their dedication.

Mainstream churches are showing a decline in population across the globe.  The membership is getting older and is not being replaced with as much “young blood.”  As a result, their financial strength is also weakened and it becomes harder and harder to pay for everything.

Grace Church recently found itself in need of a new organist/choir director (the previous one took a job closer to home, I believe).  I was on the leadership council (Vestry) when this person was hired and I remember how difficult it was to find a candidate then (that was many years ago).  Organists are expensive (and rightly so) and choir directors are as well.  When you need someone who can do both…it complicates the search even more.  On top of that, music schools are not putting out as many organ majors as they once were (20 years ago when I was in college….I believe we had 3…..total).  This creates a problem, how does a Church with a shrinking membership (pledge base) afford the rising cost of an organist/choir director for a program that has fought so hard to stay an integral part of the church life?

I should mention that these are only my observations.  I have not spoken with the leadership at Grace and perhaps they have no problem, but they  have been without a  music director for a little while now, so I am concerned…on a very personal level.

Christmas Eve was the first time I had been to church since May.  There is no good reason other that I prioritized other things ahead of Grace (and I regret that choice).  When we arrived at church, I found out the previous music director had left and that there were no candidates on on the horizon (according to one long time member of the church).  The choir on Christmas Eve was no more than 10 voices.  The next week I went, there were even fewer.  I went this morning and there were 2.

This saddens me.  I know that a program with0ut a leader has a tough time finding its way.  And during the difficult transition time, you can lose people just because of the sense of flux.  This choir is my single greatest memory of my foundational years.  I hurt watching this program suffer.

I am not an organist…not even close.  I play piano effectively, but more than 3 pedals confuses me.  I am in no position to fill the organists role…at least not on a permanent basis.  I can sub, but they need someone with far more training than I have.

I am however, a choir director…and a music director.  I have 2 decades of experience in running a music department.  I have worked with instrumentalists and vocalists alike.  I can program concerts and develop strong ensembles.  I have worked with struggling choirs and helped them rebuild.

Here is where my conundrum lies.  I have a possible solution to the issue at hand.  Unfortunately, it will require the Church to make some changes to long-held traditions (and that is hard for any group).  I am not certain that they will ameliorate the challenges, but I believe that they will.  However, to apply this solution (assuming the Church is interested in trying my suggestion…I would completely understand if they didn’t) would require me to give more of my family time.  I have been working over the past year to increase my time at home and this would require me to be away from home an additional night a week.  At the same time, at my core, I feel compelled to help the people that have given me so much over the course of my life.

I am a giver.  I want so much to be able to give to everyone.  I am also of limited financial means.  I cannot even afford to tithe appropriately.  What I have is time…and I am always drawn to give it, because it is all that I have.

I have talked with my wife about it and I know that she will support me no matter what I decided to do in the end.

I am at a precipice moment.  I have the opportunity to offer a possible solution.  I have weighed the options and tried to consider the consequences.  But even after writing all of this (and proofreading it) I am still unsure of which path to take.  Did I happen upon this by chance?  Or was I meant to be here at this moment?  I am sure that the Church will soldier on if I do nothing, but at the same time my heart is drawn to help…

I am sure that a solution will make itself apparent.

Thank you for listening!

Have a GREAT day!

 

The little things…

Its the little things that count right?  Not if you look at our culture in general.  We have grown accustomed to bigger is better, more is the goal…  And yet you frequently hear in the background….its the little things that count.  So which is it?

I believe that while pop culture is pushing us in the bigger is better direction (why get a simple car that goes point A to point B when you can have the $40,000+ tricked out SUV that you have to get a second mortgage to afford?), most people are longing for simpler things.  If you really think about, which means more to you…a heart-felt note from your significant other, or an expensive trinket from a jewelry store?  If you ask the good people at the store, they will absolutely tell you the ring is the way to go.  Gift sales at the holidays paint the same picture…why do you think retail stores look forward to the 4th quarter?  Many of them even hire more people at the holidays, only to put them right back on the unemployment line the day after New Years’.

At Valentine’s Day we may send a card with a few words in it…accompanied by multiple dozens of flowers, maybe chocolate and yep…more jewelry.

We come to people’s birthday and again…more stuff and things, trinkets and bobs.  We say its the thought that counts, but if thats true…why does the thought usually come accompanied by some sort of material gift.

Perhaps I feel this way because I have never had enough money to really buy big gifts for people.  I could never afford to get Steph a really big ring or lots of toys and gadgets for my girls, or the house repairs I have always to do for my mom.  I do what I can and give completely of my time and talent.  But in some ways that still seems like a focus on bigger is better, I wish I could do more or this and that.  Is that really the point?

Recently, I started sending quick little 1 line messages to my girls.  Nothing fancy, just 1 brief sentence telling them that, in some way, I am thinking about them.  I send 2-3 of these texts per day.  I even downloaded an app for my phone that will randomly send them the texts (I just have to change the programmed message).  Initially, I thought I would just send the same message, but then I got in to changing each time before it sent and the most amazing thing happened.  My girls started writing little one liners back to me.  It has been really sweet.  I initially did it to brighten their day, but while I hope it does, their responses brighten my day.  I get their texts and for a few moments I have a bigger smile on my face.  And tonight, when I got home from my Toastmasters meeting, my youngest daughter had written a note and left it on my desk for me to find when I came in.  It was a simple little note, but it was in the best printing I have seen her have and there were no spelling errors.  This showed me that she really took her time on it.

Its things like that, handwritten and heartfelt that matter the most.  I could never get another gift ever again, but if my girls gave me little things like that note, I would be richer than Midas.  And not just my girls…all my friends.  Little notes that express how much we care for each other.  Little moments that help us remember that we are valuable and that our lives do matter.  I am going to try and be conscious  of doing this for my friends…not just when Facebook reminds me they have a birthday or an anniversary…but regularly so they know that I value them and am thinking about them.

So yes, I believe it is the little things that count.  And even though it might be counter-culture and against the norm, I am going to make a conscious effort to focus more on the little things.  Those small but frequent gestures that let people know they matter.

And I challenge you…take 5 minutes out of your hectic day TODAY and send someone a note.  Let them know that they matter to you even if you haven’t spoken in a while.  And tomorrow, pick someone else.  And the next day someone else…and so on…You never know which of your circle may need that pick-me-up.  After 30 days of sending daily notes, see how many responses you have gotten back and how much better you feel.  I am looking forward this experiment.  Hopefully you are too!

Have a GREAT day!

Things I learned from being “in the circus.”

Things I learned from being “in the circus.”  I suppose a title like this deserves a bit of an explanation.  Let me take you back 20 years.  It was the summer of my sophomore and junior years of college.  I was looking for summer employment and I had no interest in another summer of working nights at P&C.  I was wandering around the career center on campus and I saw an ad for Summer Camp opportunities.  As I was perusing the list, my eyes found “Long Lake Camp for the Arts.”  What a great opportunity to spend 9 weeks working with middle/high school kids in a summer camp setting on a beautiful Adirondack lake.  And you want to pay me??  Where do I sign up?

It really is a wonderful place to be.  How many summer camps do you that have a $1,000,000 theater staffed by people who currently work or have worked on Broadway?  If you ever have the ability to send your children there…DO IT!  If you ever have the opportunity to work there…DO IT!  Tell Marc and Susan Katz (the proprietors) I said HI!

Did I mention, they also had a full-functioning training circus on site (complete with trapeze set up)  staffed by people who have actually worked for professional touring circuses?

Anyway, back to the matter at hand.  While I was a counselor at Long Lake, I became friends with the folks who worked on the circus lot.  A wonderful assortment of people who were some of the most accepting, loving people I have ever come to know.  Tammy, the lady in charge, was amazing.  She was someone I could confide in about anything and I will always remember those summers because of her.  While I was hanging around the lot, I learned a lot of different circus acts…mostly because Tammy would not allow me to hang out on the lot if I wasn’t “being useful.”  I will get the terminology wrong because it has been a long time, but I learned: Juggling (bean bags, cigar boxes and scarves), Trapeze, Ringmaster, something I cannot remember the name of but was basically 4 people using a smaller 5th person to do things like jump roping, and other manipulations, and I learned to “spot” folks on a variety of other aerial activities.

Now that you have the back story, here is where I really want to go with this.

Things I Learned from Being “In the Circus”

Juggling – Juggling looks very complicated, but the process is very simple.  The idea is to only ever have 2 things in your hands (1 in each hand) at any given time.  If you are juggling 8 things (which I cannot), 6 of them must being the air at any moment.  The lesson from this is that you may have 900 things you need to work on, but you need to realize that you can only really have 1 or 2 in the forefront at any time.  And if you are going to truly juggle.  You have to keep everything moving.  Juggling three balls is not about having 1 in each hand the third just hovering…you are constantly switching the position of each ball (in my case…left-air-right over and over).  Likewise, when you are juggling your life…you have to keep everything moving…you can’t get mired in any one project or the others with eventually fall.  Lastly, the more things you add, the harder the juggling is.  I have trouble juggling 3 balls (I said I could do it…I did not say I could do it well).  I would be crazy to try and add a fourth ball (or a 5th or 6th).  You have to know how many “balls” you can juggle.  Once you hit your limit, you will know because you will start dropping more and more balls.  Start slow…don’t start more projects that you can realistically juggle.  If you start small you will get really good at juggling and eventually you will be able to add more.

Ringmaster

A good Ringmaster knows what is going on in every ring in his circus.  He is not concerned with other ringmasters’ circuses…not his problem.  He is aware of what is going well and what needs his attention.  He is able to shift the focus of the audience when it is required.  He is is calm under pressure and is always concerned with making sure the audience is entertained.  This was a laundry list of skills that can be transferred to any leadership situation, but the most important skill is the first one and bears repeating.  He knows what is going on in every ring in his circus and is not concerned with other ringmasters’ circuses.  To often, we get so wrapped up in other peoples “circuses” that we forget to focus on our own.  It is important to remember that your circus comes first.  Take care of what you can control, let others worry about they can control.  We tend to take on unnecessary stress when we get wrapped up in other peoples’ circuses.  Practice saying this phrase when you are tempted to start owning the stress of someone else’s circus,  “Not my circus, not my monkeys.”

“Spotting” other aerial acts

Let’s face it, not all of us are destined to be aerial acrobats.  However, the person who “spots” the aerial acrobat is just as important.  The spotter is there to make sure that the acrobat is as far from harm as possible.  The spotter is the support structure.  It is important to recognize that sometimes we need to be someone else’s spotter.  We do not need to be in the spotlight.  We need to be there to allow someone else to be in the spotlight.  And likewise, sometimes we need to realize that we need a spotter to be comfortable in our spotlight.   Someone who is there to make sure that we are safe as we venture forward.   Which are you today?

Trapeze

I have never been afraid of heights…but I do have a healthy respect for them.  I never realized how high a trapeze truly was until I was able to sit in the net…which is 10+ feet off the ground.  The trapeze is another 35 feet in the air…that is almost 5 stories in the air.  and you stand on a small board that is not as deep as your feet and only about 3 fee wide.  The bar you swing on weighs some 35 pounds and you have to hold it while balancing on the aforementioned board.  Then you have to jump off…WILLINGLY!  At least that is what is supposed to happen.  When I tried it for the first time…I did not jump off willingly, I was pushed.  Sometimes, that is what needs to happen.  There are lots of moments when we are standing on the edge of a precipice and we are unable to  take the next step ourselves.  We need someone to push us off so that we can soar to our next success, while knowing full well that our spotter is going to make sure that we will be alright no matter what happens.

Today I challenge you…figure out which circus is yours and which is not.  Look inside and be honest about how much you can realistically juggle (and figure out what you can give up to make sure you are not juggling too much).  Who do you need to “spot” today?  What edge are standing on and who can help you to just jump?  I assure you that while I had to be pushed that first time on the trapeze…the experience was exhilarating!   I would do it again without hesitation.  Go find your trapeze moment and…JUMP!

Have a GREAT day!

Jack of all trades…master of none?

A few days ago, my wife and I were driving to the hardware store and we were talking.  At some point in the conversation, she said, “I know we have always referred to you (me) as a jack-of-all-trades, but I think a more appropriate title for you is a Renaissance Man.”  She is, of course, entitled to her opinion and I greatly respect and appreciate her thoughts, but that got me thinking.

I am sure if I asked you to complete the phrase, “Jack-of-all-trades, ____ ____ ____” the majority of you, at least those who of my generation or older, would come up with “master of none.”

This is a commonly used phrase and I did some research to its origins.  It is actually old English and it did not originally have the negative connotation.  It first appeared in 1612. the “jack” referred simply to a common man.  So, it meant a common man of all trades (multiple lines of work).  The “master of none” part did not appear until  the late 1700’s (source – http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/jack-of-all-trades.html).  Another source I checked (source – https://www.theodysseyonline.com/7-phrases-youve-been-misquoting) states that the quote is often misquoted and the original is actually “Jack of all trades and master of none is usually better than a master of one.”

But I digress, my original intent in mentioning this was not to give you a historical lecture on old English phrases, but hey, there is a little nugget of trivia for your next social gathering (There you go, John Christopher, a piece of useless knowledge that may have even been beyond your reach!)

Back to my regularly scheduled thought.  I have always perceived the “jack of all trades” comment to be a negative.  As such, whenever I used it in reference to myself, I was always taking a not-so-subtle dig at myself for never getting very good at anything.  It was another opportunity for me to put myself down before anyone else could.  I have been using that phrase negatively on myself for so long that I cannot remember ever not saying.  I say to myself,”I admit dabbling in this and dabbling in that, but because I lack focus and determination, I never put forth the real effort to get really good at anything.”  There are those who have said, “its not your fault, you probably have a bit of ADHD and you just flit from project to project.”  Still others have said, you just haven’t found your “thing” yet.  And for the record, I admit have said all of these things at one time or another.

The more I think about it, the more it occurs to me that I might have this all wrong.  Maybe jack of all trades is not necessarily a bad thing.

Think about it, a Renaissance Man (def: a person with many talents or areas of knowledge) is considered a compliment, but the common usage of Jack of all trades has come to mean something derogatory (even though its original usage was not negative at all).  Maybe, just maybe, common knowledge has got it wrong.  Is it better to be expertly skilled at one thing, or experienced in many things.  Does it have to be one or the other?

Regardless of how you work out the previous questions, it should really boil down to what truly makes you happy?  I love learning, I always have.  Developing new skills and honing ones I already have has always brought me joy.  I am definitely a tactile learner in most instances.  I like to learn by doing.

Frequently my areas of learning are out of necessity (and maybe a little bit of hubris).  For example, I learned how to do much of the car repair I can now do in part because we frequently can’t afford to take the car to a mechanic and part because I can’t rationalize paying someone else $50/hr to do something I should be able to figure out.  It is for this reason I can fix cars, tackle plumbing, run electrical, build walls, drywall, install a gas heater, and a host of other things (well, that and the benefit of Google).  I am not a master of any of these things, but I can do it well enough to get by.  I do think I will ever make a living doing any of those things, but I believe I am better off for knowing them.

The other learning I love doing is intellectual.  It is the reason I have a collection of college degrees.  I enjoy delving into research.  Its funny, I was a lackluster high school student (had it not been for the myriad of music classes I took, I might have done much poorer in HS).  Undergrad I spent a significant amount of time doing things other than studying.  Once I hit my masters, I realized I liked to learn and that I was good at it.  If I could get paid to be a student, I would probably strongly consider it.  It is the reason I keep going back for more degrees.

After working through all of this, I respectfully disagree with my beloved wife…sort of…  I AM a jack of all trades…but I am a master of the ones that are important to me.  I am a master at the ones I put the most time into.  And I am also a Renaissance Man because I have a wide variety of knowledge and talent.  The two are not opposites, but compliments.  Being a jack of all trades leads you to becoming a Renaissance Man.

I would wager that very few people want to only be master of one thing.  Most of us want to be good at a variety of things.  It gives us lots of things to talk about, multiple ways to earn a living and puts us in contact with a wider array of people.

So I challenge you to go out and figure out which things you want to master and which things you just want have experience in.  And don’t get caught up in worrying about which things you have natural ability in.  Just because you are good at math does not mean you should go out and master accounting.  You also need to consider what is the best use of your precious energy.  Make sure the things you are mastering are your true passions.  I spent 3 years trying to master educational administration….only to figure out that I don’t really have a passion for being administrator.  This is a continuous process…a life journey.  Be ready for twists and turns.  Be prepared for the winds to change.  Be honest with what truly matters to you…what makes you want to get out of bed in the morning.  And go for it!  And enjoying learning a bunch of other “trades” along the way!

Have a GREAT day!

Hard workers vs. free lunchers

I have worked with a wide variety of civic organizations throughout my life.  Add to that the fact that my job requires me to work with students who are essentially volunteering to take my class.  Each and every day, I am working with people who only participate in these activities because it brings them value.  If it gets to a point where they are no longer getting value, they leave…sometimes with very little warning.

As far as I am concerned, there is a very significant up-side to working with folks who have chosen to be there.  Usually speaking, it means that they want to be there, and more often than not, they are invested in being there.  People in these organizations and classes will usually work harder for you, simply because they want to be there and they want to get value from what they are doing.

There are also some pretty significant challenges.  In any volunteer organization, you get people who want something for nothing.  They want the value, but they do not want to work for it…or they don’t realize they have to work for it.  They simply don’t understand the basic economic principle (TNSTAAFL – pronounced Tans-taffle – which means, there’s no such thing as a free lunch).  Everything has a price, although it is not always monetary.  Sometimes it would be easier if it were monetary.  Lets face it, if you could just buy good singing technique, I would hold a lot more bake sales!  But you can’t, the cost for good technique is hours and hours of practice.  There is no negotiating.  Unfortunately these folks who think they can get something for nothing often create another group of people.  This is the group that are tired of being used by the first group…  It is this second group that is typically the first to go…from sheer frustration…or worse yet, instead of leaving they become the martyr’s who make it abundantly clear they are suffering, but have no intention of leaving ( I can freely admit, I have become this last group at least once or twice).

This leaves us with a two-fold problem.  How do we motivate the “free lunchers” and how do we avoid burning out the hard workers or turning them into martyrs?

I have found over the years that the solution lies primarily with how you handle the free lunchers.  I do not believe that the free lunchers are free lunchers by choice.  In general, I believe everyone joins volunteer groups because they want to be a part of something positive.  And they want to be an ACTIVE part of something positive.  I don’t think anyone wants to look back on the accomplishments of a group they were in and think, “wow, we were pretty awesome and I had nothing to do with it!”  People become free lunchers for a variety of reasons, they don’t know how to help (and are afraid to ask), they don’t feel their opinion is valued,  they are shy, they feel they don’t know “enough” to be valuable, and the list goes on.  As you can see, there is a fairly common thread, the good people suffer from some sort of self-doubt.  So they stay with the group because they WANT to be a part of it, but they hide in the shadows and to the rest of the group they become a free luncher.  Unfortunately, because the hard workers may not have identified this cause, they attribute the free lunchers as lazy and write them off.  They aren’t going to work so why even try…I will just do this all myself (I have been guilty of this…)

The solution lies in working to find everyone’s strengths.  We all have them and the larger the group…the more strengths you will have.  The leaders of the group have to be continually looking for ways in which everybody can excel.  And remember, when I say leaders….you can substitute in “hard workers”.  The folks who are actively participating have to take time to recognize who is not and try to find ways to re-involve them.  I guarantee that once you identify someones strength, recognize them for possessing it and give them a task that is suited to that strength…they will become re-involved as an ACTIVE participant and stop being a free luncher.

The challenge is that the hard-workers have been hard-working so long that they have trouble letting go to let someone else in (I have been guilty of this too…).  The hard-workers have a tendency to develop a “why can’t everyone work as hard as me” mentality.  We need to step back and realize that we all give according to our talents and abilities.  We all have different priorities in life and just because mine are different than yours does not make one “right” and the other “wrong.”  However, I would encourage you to take a hard look at the groups you belong to…if you are part of a group and it is not a priority for you to be an ACTIVE member of the success of that group…perhaps you need to take a step back and focus your energy where your priorities are.  We can’t all do everything…nor should we try to.

I challenge you to take a look a look at the groups you belong to.  For which groups are you a hard-worker?  For which groups are you a free luncher?  If you are a member of a bunch of groups and you are the hard worker in all of them….you are probably feeling pretty burned out.  If you are a member of a bunch of groups and you are the free luncher in all of them…you probably keep joining groups because you continually feel unfulfilled.  If you are a member of a bunch of groups and you are a mix of hard-worked and free luncher, decide which groups are MOST important to you and focus on being a hard-working member who actively works to help the free lunchers find their place.  I guarantee you will find the groups more rewarding.  And if the leadership doesn’t support your quest to help all members feel valued….maybe you need to find another group…

Best of luck finding your place and…

Have a GREAT day!

 

Sky-Diving

Today, while I was driving to Home Depot to pick up a part for a small plumbing job I was doing at my mother’s, I decided to turn on the voice recorder and just talk.  There was no plan, no script, no topic and goal.  There are so many times when I am alone and thinking and I have what I think is a really good idea.  You know, one of those ideas where you immediately say to yourself, “Wow, that was a great idea…I should remember that!”  I have these thoughts from time to time…and invariably, I am not in a place where I can write it down.  And being the absent-minded professor I tend to be, the thought is gone almost as soon as it entered my head.  I can only imagine how many life-altering, world-changing ideas have passed through my cranium, only to be lost in the void that is my subconscious.

Today I recorded everything I was thinking…or at least that was the initial plan.  As soon as I hit “record”, I clammed up.  There was a good 15-20 seconds of dead-air.  Finally, I started talking about why I decided to start recording my thoughts.  But I wasn’t really recording everything, because I was still censoring myself.  I didn’t say everything that came to mind…only the things that I thought were worth recording.  I justified it by saying, “I don’t need to record things like…ooh look at that green truck.”  But still, I was automatically censoring.  If I could decided that one phrase wasn’t worth recording…then I could just as easily invalidate more significant thoughts…so long as I felt they were not worth recording.

Some folks may think, “big deal…so you censor yourself on the more mundane thoughts…why should that matter.”  And perhaps you are correct, but I know that I am currently battling with thoughts that challenge whether anything I have to say is of value.  And for someone with those thoughts rattling around in their head…a tendency to self-censor can be quite dangerous.

I have trouble believing that anything I say is of importance and I tend to censor my own thoughts…Put these two things together and you end up with a lot of “dead-air” in a 12 minute drive designed to record my thoughts.  However, when you think about it, the very concept that I tried to record my thoughts is monumental.  I made a decision to to record my thoughts because I was worried I might have a great idea and that it would be lost.  That has to be the start of a turning point.  Going from censoring to being willing to try and record….even if it means I run the risk of subconsciously censoring again.

Sometimes you have to be willing to risk trying something that you don’t think will work for the sake of the good that can come out of the idea actually working.  You have to be willing to take a blind leap.  And that can be scary.  It is like sky-diving.  In sky-diving, you are jumping out of a plane with the faith that when the time comes the parachute will open.  I have never been sky-diving (and I am not sure I will ever have the desire to go), but for me I am so scared of recording my thoughts and being proven that I have nothing of value to say…Pressing that record button today was like jumping out of a plane.  I am still not sure if the chute is going to open.  But hey…I am already out of the plane…so what have I got to lose.

We all have “sky-diving” moments in our lives.  Fortunately for most of us, our “sky-diving” moment is not life and death (even though it feels like it – ask someone with stage fright what it is like to walk out in front of a group of people and speak).  What is the reward of taking the plunge?  I would imagine that for the sky-diver, the thing that makes it worth doing is either the adrenalin rush or the beauty of seeing God’s creation spread out before you.  For the rest of us, taking the plunge and facing our “sky-diving” moment is embracing the possibility of growing beyond who we are and becoming who we can be.  And sure, it is very scary.  Whether you are a smoker trying to quit, someone who is overweight trying to get healthy, someone with stage fright who is trying to get on stage or any one of thousands of other “sky-diving” moments we all face everyday…the reward is worth the risk.  It is going to be uncomfortable…you are going to feel like you are falling, you may wonder if your chute is going to open….you may think the “ground” (rock-bottom) is approaching to fast.  But rest assured, if you keep working at it and you maintain your faith…eventually that chute will open.  The first couple of times it may be a rough landing, but eventually it will get easier.

And if you thought the “sky-diving” metaphor had run its course….we’re not finished yet!  The first several times you sky-dive…you do not do it alone.  You are tethered to someone else.  This is so that in the event you are paralyzed with fear and cannot pull your rip cord, they do it for you.  Well, the first few “sky-diving” moments you tackle….you may need help…you may need to tandem jump.  That is what true friends are for.  These are the people who are going to make sure you get through the jump safely.  And lets face it…we all need folks to help us make the jump safely.

One more metaphor (but it is not a sky-diving metaphor).  The other metaphor I originally started with was skiing…which requires similar faith except now you are throwing yourself down the side of a mountain with boards strapped to your feet.  In skiing, you do not start with a black diamond course….you start on the “bunny” slope.  You tackle a small hill and get good before you jump on the advanced hills.  The same should apply to your “sky-diving” moments.  Start with the small changes…build up your confidence and then tackle the big ones.

Today I challenge you…grab a buddy, strap on a parachute and take on one of your “sky-diving” moments or if that is too big a step right now…grab the same friend and head for the bunny slope.  Make a little change….overcome a small obstacle….the sky-diving moment will wait!

Have a GREAT day!

Why New Years’ Eve?

Here it is New Years’ Eve.  Why is New Years’ Eve so important?  What is the significance of the Earth going around the sun 1 more time.  It  has been doing it for a couple  billion years (4.053 billion according to wikipedia) and according to most scientists, it will probably continue to do so for at least a few million more.  For most of us (unless today is your actual birthday), the marking of another year won’t occur until our birthday comes around.  Then again, same question, what is the significance of the Earth going around the sun 1 more time?

Social media has done a great job of pointing out how horrible 2016 was…although in the grand scheme of things was it really worse than any other year.  It seems that we are so eager to push 2016 out the door because 2017 has got to be better…what if it isn’t?  As I look back on 2016, like every other year, it was a mixed bag.  I had some really great things happen…I had some pretty awful things happens…but for the most part I think I am at least even with the house.

I don’t know about you, but when I was younger, those older than me frequently told me, don’t wish your todays away just to get to tomorrow (this was said more often just before Christmas and other major gift-giving holidays…coincidence?).  Yet, here we are content to wish away today in the hope of a better tomorrow.   The posts wishing away 2016 have been going on for at least 2-3 weeks.  In the last 2-3 weeks I have had some significantly cool things happen…so I am glad we didn’t just fast-forward to 2017 when we hit Dec.1.

While I am thinking about it….what is up with the celebrity death count the last 3 or 4 days?  People die all the time.  From what I understand it is the most consistent side-effect of life.  The day we are born, we should be read a disclaimer that says, “WARNING!!  In all cases, living leads to DEATH!”  So why are we focusing on the fact that these celebrities died?  Some of them were 80+ years old (lets face it..folks over 80 have a much higher mortality rate).  Why did their death ruin 2016?  We had the benefit of their talent for however long they lived.  Why not celebrate that?  And lastly, why are we only concerned with the celebrities that died?  Isn’t every death important?  I lost a family member this year….where was the public outcry?  And again, while we need to mourn their loss, I don’t think any of those dearly departed would want to look down from heaven only to realize they ruined 2016.  Part of the mourning process, as far as I am concerned, should be a celebration of what their lives meant to us.

Anyway, back to my original quandary…why is New Years’ Eve so important?  On one level, it is an excuse to get together and celebrate.  For some of us, we stay up later than we usually do and drink more than we usually do.  For others, we visit with people we don’t see very often.  Others still spend the time reflecting on the past year with hopes for the future.

Many people in many different cultures celebrate the New Year by making resolutions.  As a matter of fact, if http://www.mentalfloss.com can be believed, the New Years’ resolution started in 4000BC when the Babylonians were trying to make peace and start fresh with all their Gods.  And that seems to be the thrust of the process today.  We make promises to change things, start over, make amends.  So the significance is that every 365 days we get to press the “reset” button (for your PC folks “ctrl-alt-del”).

Why do we wait until the Earth goes around the sun?  To me that seems rather arbitrary and given our current culture, way to long!  We simply don’t have the attention span.  I do not have hard data to support the following statement, but I would suspect that the majority of people who make those resolutions…have forgotten them by the end of January (just look at gym membership statistics).  Last year, we at the McCall household went a step further.  We all wrote our resolutions on a large piece of paper that has been posted all year.  And while some of us have a slightly higher retention rate on resolutions…I know I didn’t keep mine.  Unfortunately, this leads to us getting to the next New Year and beating ourselves up for not living up to our resolutions (and some of us chastise ourselves periodically throughout the year).  This cannot be good for self-esteem or self-worth.

I would suggest that the basic premise of New Years’ Eve/Resolutions is sound.  However, I think if you are really going to do it right, you need to think much smaller on the time scale and on the scope.  Instead of 1 or 2 BIG NEW YEARS’ RESOLUTIONS…what about 365 little, achievable ones.  Instead of spending the month of December wishing for the year to go away…each day write 1 or 2 little things you can do to make your life and the lives of those around you better than when you found it.  Those will be your January resolutions.  During January, write down 1 or 2 more each day for February.  Rinse and repeat for the rest of the year.  Then you can wake up each day and celebrate a new rotation of the Earth on its axis by renewing your commitment to make things better.

Now, you have two remember that the other key is to limit the scope.  You cannot make “losing 30 lbs” a daily goal.  But you can make “no snacking after 8pm” a daily goal…you might even have to do it for several days to make it a habit.  There is no rule that says you can’t have the same goal 2 or 3 days in a row…as long as it is attainable.

Sure there are going to be days that you don’t get to your resolution, but that is the beauty of renewing it every day.  You don’t have to wait until the next Dec. 31 to renew your commitment.  you can get right back to the work of making a positive difference.

So I challenge you (and I challenge myself) to make a list of resolutions…one for every day of the month of January.  And then…DO IT!  Each and every morning.  Post it somewhere that you will see it every morning.  If you are attached to your phone, like me, download an Auto SMS app that will let you schedule texts to yourself.  Set it for the morning and you are guaranteed to look at it.  Find a way to make it present in your mind everyday!  I am starting with my desire to write every day.  I have 2 auto texts that will come to me twice a day.  So far, on day 2…it is working.  And I plan for it to work tomorrow too!

Have a Happy and Blessed 2017!

Have a GREAT day!

Autopilot

Where to start….is it more important to figure out where to start….or to just simply start?  I suppose that depends on your perspective.  To quote the Scarecrow from The Wizard of Oz, “Some people go this way, some people go that way, and some people like to go both ways…”

Those folks who pine over where to start, I suppose they are the cerebral folks  They need to think through something and weigh all the options before they make a choice about either direction.   This is a very solid way of thinking.  Unfortunately, you can get so wrapped up in thinking about all the options that you may never chose a direction to go.  So you just end up “standing still”…either literally or figuratively.

Then there are the people who just simply start, jump right in and full speed ahead.  They are quick decision-makers.  They are action oriented.  We can worry about the consequences later, what matters is that we make a decision.  This way of thinking also has a lot of merit.  It prevents you from becoming stuck on a decision.  You can be sure you will always do something.  Problem with this is sometimes jumping right in can lead to some pretty serious unforeseen consequences.  Leaping before you look is not always going to give the best outcome.

I believe that it is more important in this case to go both ways.  Sometimes you have to take time to consider your options and figure out where to start and sometimes you need to just throw caution into the wind and go for it!  The real challenge is to know what the situation calls for…and I suspect that, more often than not, it is a healthy blend of the two.

You always need to be cautious not to go too far to either extreme.  On one extreme you a frozen without direction and on the other you are traveling blindly, still without direction.

And sometimes, you need to start with one and migrate to the other.  For example, I decided I was going to write tonight.  I did not know what about.  I sat at the computer and opened WordPress and spent several minutes trying to come up with a topic and then I just started typing, “Where to start…”  I rambled for a few minutes and then the cognitive, planning side of me stepped in and I began to think through how I wanted this to develop.  The point is that if I had not jumped in and just started writing, I might never have begun.

This is not typical of me.  My “normal” state is to think…think….think…and think some more.  Sometimes I spend so much time thinking that I never get to the “doing”.  Worse yet, in the process of thinking I start to talk myself out of doing.  I rationalize why I shouldn’t do something and eventually give up before starting.

I knew that when I sat down at the computer, I was most likely going to get up without typing a word, but then I made a change.  I altered my programming for just a moment.  Long enough to type three words and an ellipsis.  There was a pause, which seemed like forever (probably 15 seconds or less), and then the words continued, I was writing!  For many of us, the key to making a change, any change, is to alter our programming for just a second.  We are all creatures of habit.  We develop patterns of behavior and then set the machine on auto-pilot and away we go!  It makes lots of things much easier, but it makes change that much harder.  As I am sitting here typing I am reminded of my drive home from school each day.  On most days, my daughter and I get in the car and we drive home, the same route every time.  Sometimes however, we take a family friend home who lives in the same general direction, but with one turn different.  There have been many occasions where I will get almost home before I realize she is in the back seat and I have gone the wrong way.  That is how our autopilot works.

In order to change something in our lives, we have to switch off the autopilot.  Wanna lose weight?  Switch off the automatic snacking, or switch off the automatic get home and plop on the couch.  Wanna quit smoking?  Switch off the automatic lighting of a cigarette.  Switching off the autopilot is not always about stopping something.  Sometimes it is about stopping NOT doing something.  In any case however, change is always about turning off the autopilot.  Keep in mind though, it is seldom as simple as flipping a switch like they do on airplanes in the movies.

And another thing about autopilot, you can just turn it off and expect change to happen.  If you are flying a plane and turn off the autopilot but forget to grab the stick and fly the plane…you are going to crash!  Sure you might glide for a while…but eventually you will crash.  Turning off the autopilot also means taking active control of whatever you are turning off the autopilot for.  If you are going to turn off the autopilot for snacking in the evening…you are going to have to put something in its place….other wise you will glide for a while and stop snacking, but eventually you will crash and go right back to snacking.  Trust me…I know…I have been there many times!

Tonight, I switched off my autopilot.  I sat at my computer and made a decision to just write.  I didn’t plan or write a rough draft.  I just went for it.  And tomorrow, if I want to see the change continue, I will have to “manually” shut off the autopilot again.  And probably again the next day.  They say it takes 30 days to make a new habit.  But you have to start by shutting off the autopilot the first time.

I challenge you…make a change…shut off the autopilot…just remember to grab the controls before you stop gliding!

Have a GREAT day!

A little pre-conference reflection

Today, I am starting my four day respite from my teaching duties in an effort to recharge my professional “batteries.”  Don’t get me wrong…I LOVE my students and nothing makes me happier than getting to spend everyday making music and sharing emotion with them.  However,  every so often (once or twice a year), I look forward to the opportunity to gather with my fellow music teachers and share stories of success and moments of challenge and develop new ways of bringing even more and deeper experiences to my students.

Attending professional development can be very difficult for me….I love the opportunity commune with my colleagues,but at the same time, my social aniexty makes the whole experience discomforting and very tiring.  Each year, I have grand plans to overcome my anxiety and engage in conversations with colleagues I don’t know…and each year I walk away with new content knowledge…but I have done so without any person-to-person engagement.  

Normally speaking, I finish the conference by beating myself up for not getting “out there,” so this year I have a different goal.  My over-arching goal is to engage in impromptu conversations with new colleagues.  In the event I am not able to attain that goal, my secondary goal is not to feel guilty for not achieving my goal.  Instead, I hope to grow from having tried and be able to identify what worked and what didn’t.  I ACCEPT that it is part of who I am right now and I CHEERFULLY commit to taking steps the help me to work with that part of who I am in a way the strengthens my ability to communicate with other people.

In the end I am glad that the concepts in CHEERFUL ACCEPTANCE have allowed me to look at who I am and who I can be in a more positive and constructive way.

Have a GREAT day!

Thankfulness and Cheerful Acceptance

For many people, Thanksgiving means sitting around a table, sharing a meal with family and friends and celebrating the things we are thankful for….no matter how many..or how few.

In the past few years, my family had started a tradition of going around the table and each person would identify one thing they were especially thankful for.  In years’ past, I subconsciously dreaded this because I could never think of anything I thought was meaningful enough to contribute.  This year, largely thanks to my work with Cheerful Acceptance, I was ready with an arsenal of things I could have shared…and then…for whatever reason, we didn’t do it.

So, in honor of the day, I will share some of what I am thankful for here.

I am thankful that as I have been developing Cheerful Acceptance from a small thought to a large concept, it has taught me to be thankful for and accept all the things that I am.  I realize that some of the things I am are permanent, but most are temporary…if I want them to be.  I am thankful that I can look at these facets of me without judging them (sometimes…I still need a lot of work on this) and with the understanding that who I am today, does not need to be who I am tomorrow.  I am thankful that I have the power to change (yes, it may be difficult…no one said change would be easy).  I am thankful that tomorrow, I can re-evaluate who I am….and see what progress I have made…and where I can continue to make positive changes for the future.

That is the true POWER of Cheerful Acceptance.  Once you completely buy-in to the process…you can repeat it over and over….each and everyday…and use it to making incremental improvements in your life.

Sometimes, when we take inventory (Step 2) of our strengths and weaknesses, we identify weaknesses that we would like to improve.  In some cases, it is a matter of changing the weakness (usually by gradually eliminating it).  In other cases, it is a matter of acknowledging the weakness and accepting that it is permanent, but developing other strengths that mitigate the effect of the weakness.  It is for this reason that it is CRITICALLY important that when we take inventory, we do so without judgement.  If we pass judgement during the inventory phase…we are less likely to make some changes…because we start with the frame of mind…this is a bad thing and I cannot change it.  It often becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

So on this lovely Thanksgiving weekend, I urge you to be thankful for your blessings in life (and we all  have at least 1 or 2) but also be thankful that you can acknowledge your challenges with an open mind and a cheerful heart that is eager to finds ways to make positive change.

Have a GREAT day!