Monthly Archives: April 2014

Becoming a teacher AND cheerful acceptance

I have been an educator for 15 years.  When I got out of college in 1997 with my Bachelor of Music in Music Education…the implied message that was given was…”Congratulations, you are ready to be a teacher…go shape young minds!”  That message could not have been farther from the truth.  I was not ready to shape young minds…my “young mind (at 23)” was still being shaped.  Please understand, I am not making a case here for not allowing people to start teaching at 23….  I believe the teaching field is constantly in need of the infusion that comes from each group of “green, young” teachers.  New teachers have not been jaded by the realities of “public school life.”

Back to the point I was leisurely driving toward, I was sold a bill of goods at graduation.  You get out of college and there is easily as much that you DON’T know as there is that you DO know…sprinkled with a large dose of things you THINK  you know…but are WRONG about (not to mention the stuff you WISH you had known).  A much better message to give to teachers just graduating from college is this:  “Congratulations on graduating with your degree…time to fill the void created by  teachers who couldn’t hack it and left, needed more money than education offered and had to move on, or retired to come back a substitutes teachers.  You have a head full of book knowledge, but if there is anything the onslaught of standardized tests have taught us…book knowledge does not adequately teach you to function in reality…so a lot of your book knowledge will do you no good…so anyway best of luck in your first teaching gig, which will be nothing like student teaching.  Keep an open mind and remember to ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS look for opportunities to keep learning your craft.  You will never know everything about successful teaching……It will always just be one more piece in a 1,000,000,000 piece jigsaw puzzle (and the puzzle is missing at least one piece the cat kicked under the couch anyway).”

That is how I would start a keynote to address young teachers at their graduation….there is more I would say, but that is the general gist of the speech.  (Anybody need a keynoter for Graduation…I am available….).

This blog is what happens when I wake up with nothing to write and the news doesn’t give me anything interesting to blog about.  However, as I look back at what I just wrote, I realize there is some nuggets of wisdom that can be applied to Cheerful Acceptance.  The message from above that ties in to Cheerful Acceptance is this….”You will never know everything about successful teaching yourself…It will always just be one more piece in a 1,000,000,000 piece jigsaw puzzle.”  The truth of Cheerful Acceptance is that we are all constantly changing.  Each day, who we are is different from who we were the day before.  Even after you have mastered the 4 steps of Cheerful Acceptance, each day you apply Step 2 – Acknowledge what is true today…without judgment, you will find something different.  Our strengths and weaknesses are constantly evolving.  At least I hope they are.  If we are not constantly evolving and changing, then we are becoming stagnant.  So in reality, Cheerful Acceptance is not a goal…but a journey…  A life-long journey that we undertake in the hope, not of getting to know ourselves completely, but of getting to know ourselves better.  The power is in the journey…not the destination.

So what road will you travel today on your journey through Cheerful Acceptance?  What interesting detours will you make today?  How is Cheerful Acceptance  going to help you to get to know yourself better today?

Have a GREAT day!

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Are we “too” connected?

This morning, I was at a loss about what to write about…I suppose you could call it writers block…so I decided to look to the local online newspaper for inspiration….perhaps there was a story out there related to Cheerful Acceptance I could use for inspiration.  It was harder than I though to find something inspirational.  There is an awful lot of negativity in the news these days.  I searched for 35 minutes before I was able to find something that would work.  I am sure there is another blog post waiting to be written about the focus of the news on negative bylines, but I choose not to write about that today.  I found a fascinating article about some students at Syracuse University and an app they are creating for smart phones.

Click here to read the article.

The “Tock” app is designed to encourage phone users to use their phones less and connect with “real” humans more.  It is a brilliant app as far as I am concerned.  I work in a high school so I have the opportunity to observe students all day long in their natural habitat.  It is amazing…kids today (but not just kids for the adults are every bit as guilty (myself included)) are glued to their cellphones.  Twittter, Facebook, Instragram, Vine and all of their contemporaries have created a society that is virtually unable to exist without capturing every single moment and sharing it with our 5,000 closest “friends” and random other individuals.  We are so focused on what we are posting to these various accounts that we forget that there are actual human being around us that we could interact with.  We miss valuable live interactions at the expense of these online “communities.”   

I applaud the SU students for their desire to create this app and I hope it is the next new craze but at a deeper level, what does it say about our culture when we have to create an app the encourages people to put the phone down, by turning it into a game?  Are we so focused on the “game culture” (angry birds, et al…) and the cell phone culture that the only way to create opportunities for human interaction is by making an app for the phones we hold so dear?   Schools are constantly dealing with the cell phone issue…and there is no great solution.  I have had my “best” students spend extended periods of time on the phone in my class.  For every time I catch one student with their phone out (and they are not even subtle about it any more), I know that there are 2-3 others who have figured out how to hide what they are doing so that I may not catch them.  They are so engrossed it the phone that they miss valuable experiences.  I am not saying that every single thing that happens in high school is critical to life, but there are a lot of magical things that happen that are missed because students are staring at the digital devices.  I still remember high school, and there were lots of things that happened each day that I would not want to have missed and I am grateful I did not have a smart phone to take my attention away.

My wife and I had smart phones for almost 2 years and then we decided to down-grade to save money.  There is a whole other article about the negative social pressure we endured when we made the switch.  People couldn’t believe that we were down-grading.  But I digress.  I was as guilty as many other smart phone users….I fond myself checking in between classes…occasionally during…  It became an addiction.

Which brings me around to Cheerful Acceptance.  Are we as a culture becoming addicted to posting our every moment on social media?  For what gain?  So that our friends, “sort of friends” and “people we met once at a party but decided to friend anyway” can see what we are up to and “like” our status, tweet, or vine?  That is attaching a whole lot of self-worth on a digital device that discourages real human contact.  I would suggest that if we, as a culture, focused on accepting ourselves and who we are, we would focus less on worrying about how much the eUniverse “likes” us.  You can never be truly loved by others until you seek first to love yourself.  I like posting an occasional status update about a major event on Facebook (more so that I don’t have to call everybody….although…would a personal phone call not be a better choice?)….so that I can share it with family and friends who are now far away….but posting every party, thought, experience, moment on Facebook seems like I am spending far too much time keeping a chronicle of the mundane than sharing magical moments.

Therefore I challenge you….go out an have some human interaction today.  Put down the phone!  Take some time to look inward and get to know a little bit more of yourself…and share a little bit more of you with someone else…IRL (in real life)….

Have a GREAT day!

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Social Media and Self-Acceptance

Every morning, I have the same basic ritual.  After I wake up, I spend a few moments Choosing Cheerfulness and then I head downstairs to feed the cat, make coffee and write my blog.  As soon as I sit at my computer and log in, before I actually start writing, I check my “stats page” on “WordPress.”  If you have written a blog on WordPress, then you are probably familiar with it…it tells you how many visitors you had, how many views you have and all sorts of other information like that.  I then check to see what comments/likes I got for the previous days post.  Facebook offers the same kind of feedback with the “like button”.  Twitter has the “follow” and “retweet.”  LinkedIn also has the “like” button.  All of the social media site have us looking desperately for others to “like” our status.  We crave the approval of others and social media has become a measuring stick for self-worth.  How many friends do you have on Facebook?  How many likes did you comments get?  For many, our determination of our self-worth is partially (if not more) determined by 1.) the number of random  friends we have on Facebook and 2.) the number of “likes” from those random friends.  Are you in some way shaped by this information from Facebook, et al…?  I am able to raise my hand and say it impacts me…and I would wager that I am not alone.  I know that I check my WordPress status regularly throughout the day to see how many people are reading my blog and how many people “like” and comment.  And I know that feel a twinge of disappointment when I believe the number to be “lower than I think it should be.”

Interestingly enough…I remember once that I posted a status and then immediately clicked “like” for the status.  It was something I was very proud of.  At some point after that, one of the people on my friends list commented.  “You can’t like your own status, that is just weird!” Talk about a slap in the virtual face and a blow to my iSelf-acceptance (no that is not a typo).  It is apparently an internet faux pas to display self-acceptance on Facebook!?  How can this  be?  How can it be considered “bad form” to stand up on Facebook and announce “I like myself and the things I share?”  Perhaps some folks feel that kind of comment is egotistical.  Where do we draw the line healthy self-worth and egoist?  

While I am on the social media string…why is there no “dislike” button on any of these sites?  I suspect it is that deep down, “we” are afraid of how many “dislikes” we would receive.  Although I would suggest that right now many people just type “dislike” in the comments anyway and that many of us just assume all of our friends who didn’t “like” the status simply “disliked” it and had no button to share their opinion. At the same time, I have posted a particularly negative status and people have “liked” it.  I am fairly certain that at the time, they were trying to show support for me in a time of need, but when the only way to “support” is to “like” the status….perhaps it sends the wrong message.

So where does all this connect to Cheerful Acceptance?  If we are truly accepting of who we are and all of our gifts/imperfections, then all of the statistics from the social media sites should not matter. We cannot control how we are perceived by others only how we perceive ourselves. I challenge you to “like” your own status.  And I do not mean your status on Facebook.  Step 2 is all about understanding your status….it is a status check of who you are right now… I invite you, once you have acknowledged your strengths and weaknesses to welcome them without judgment and “LIKE” the status of who you are right now.  Take the step of “liking” who you are right now.  That does not mean that you have resign yourself to being that status for ever.  Just like Facebook, your status can change at anytime and you have the power to change it.  I just want to encourage you to start by liking the current status.  Don’t worry if others like your status, or support the fact that you like your status.  What matters now is that you have started down the path of Cheerful Acceptance and you “like”/accept who you are.

Have a GREAT day!

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Shaping Your Tomorrow

Yesterday, I had the wonderful opportunity to hear the Toastmasters District 65 International speech Contest.  This was a fantastic experience for many reasons.  First of all, the 8 speakers I had the privilege to hear were incredible.  They spoke with intensity and passion about their own stories of inspiration.  Almost all of the speakers inspired me to think about things from another perspective.  Secondly, it gave me my own inspiration, all of the speakers competing on that stage had less than 10 years experience in Toastmasters and most had less than 2 years.  These were young, vibrant individuals with a passion for life.  Even the few that spoke who were older than me were vibrant individuals with a passion for life.  They were all completely committed to their message.  I saw a reflection of my commitment to Cheerful Acceptance.  I was speaking with a friend of mine following the event and I said, “Next year, I will be on that stage!”  Thirdly, the competition was in Owego, so I had 3 hours of driving in order to attend the event.  This gave me ample time to continue “reading” (I LOVE books on CD) my new book “The Deepest Acceptance” by Jeff Foster.  While I don’t necessarily agree with everything Jeff writes in the book…there are a couple of nuggets of wisdom I really identify with.

 “The origin of all conflict is being something that we are not.”  This needs to be given a little bit of context.  As near as I can tell, the main thrust of the book it that the “Deepest Acceptance” is that because all human existence is one consciousness, at the deepest level we are all already accepted because the ocean of consciousness accepts all waves equally. (This is a very simplistic summary and my apologies to Jeff for oversimplifying, but I did not want to do a book report).  He further suggests that who we are are just images because in reality we all the capacity to be everything because of the oneness of the ocean.  The conflict arises when someone challenges our image of who we are.  This image of who think we are may not be accurate, but if someone challenges it, we feel threatened.  For example, If I have the image that I am a good teacher (in reality, I have the capacity to be both a good teacher and a bad teacher because of the ocean of consciousness) and someone else suggests that I am a bad teacher…unless I accept the reality that I have the capacity to be a bad teacher, I will be tempted to assert my image of who I am and this is where the conflict begins.  How does this apply to Cheerful Acceptance?  Cheerful Acceptance is the idea that we need to accept who we really are without judgement.  The idea that our inner conflict begins with us being something that we are not is at the heart of Cheerful Acceptance.  The idea that we all have been creating an image of who think we are supposed to be that masks who we truly are is a central theme.  Cheerful Acceptance is the act of looking deep within ourselves to find out who we truly are and that the way to end our internal conflict is to welcome that we are both perfect and imperfect at the same time (strengths and weaknesses) and have the capacity to experience both at any given time.

This brings me to the second quote that spoke to me.  “I am who I am at this moment.”  That statement is profound and is integral to Cheerful Acceptance.  The four steps are all about accepting who we are in the moment.  It is not about the past, for that has already gone by and we cannot change it.  If we focus on who we were than we are holding on to an image that is probably not still true, for we all grow and change every day based upon the sum of our experiences. If we focus on who we want to be or think we will be we are are holding on to an image that may not be true in the future because a.) there may not be a future and b.) we cannot know all of the things that will shape us in the future.  So the crux of Cheerful Acceptance is that we need to live in the present and accept who are in this moment.

At the same time, this is where I diverge from Jeff, I agree that while we should not dwell on the past because we cannot change that image, we need to use our acceptance of who we are now to inform our future.  I believe that  there is power in looking towards the future and accepting that we can influence our future.  Therefore the thought process becomes, I accept who I am at this moment and I commit to recognizing that I can focus on and do things today that will shape who I am tomorrow.

How do you want to shape your tomorrow?  How does who you are in this moment inform the choices you make?  How can you use the 4 steps to make positive change  for your future?

Have a GREAT day!

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An interesting read

I was reading through my Google Scholar Alerts on Self-Acceptance and an ebook titled Authentic Self Acceptance by Albert Way came up.  As I was reading the summary, he mentioned that Happiness was, at some level, determined by genetics.  I thought….that can’t possibly be accurate..so I “googled” Happiness Gene and this article came up.  While there is scientific research to support the existence of a “happy” gene….this caution is made in the article:

“In fact, scientists behind the UCLA survey emphasize that the effects of the happy gene are far from determinative. If you have the gene for green eyes, you will have green eyes. But the happiness gene appears to be more malleable. Myriad factors — a mother’s nurturing, good sex, close friendships, therapy, exercise and meditation practice — can improve your oxytocin levels and facilitate optimism and self-esteem.”

~ Michael Sigman – Writer/Editor; Music Publisher

Just thought was an interesting read in the self-acceptance vein.  Have a GREAT day!

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The Soprano Story

The following is a light-hearted tale I tell about the power of acceptance.

I grew up as a musician, hung out with musicians throughout my schooling, went to music school and then started teaching music.  All I can remember is hearing this stereotype about Sopranos… and like all stereotypes….its inaccurate far more often than it is accurate.  The stereotype is that sopranos are dim-witted, distracted by shiny objects, easily fooled…among other things.  There are as many soprano jokes in the singers’ world as there are blonde jokes, another bad stereotype.  I was guilty of telling these jokes and laughing when others told them.  To this day, I am known to tell some of the jokes in my classroom and to my wife (who is a soprano and NOT the stereotype! – this does not generally end well for me).

Now imagine you are sitting in my classroom, right near the alto section and after I said, “Everybody go to the beginning of the song”, the alto next to you, (probably because she was not listening) “Is that on page 1?”  I have an excellent rapport with my students and without missing a beat I reply, “Having a bit of a Soprano moment are we?” and she replies, ”How can I, I am an alto?”  In that moment, since this is a high school, teeming with adolescent hormones and thoughts, you can hear everyone in the room responding, “Ha, Ha MC, she told you” and other similar phrases.  I wait a moment for the room to quiet and retort, “Sarah, Soprano is not just a voice range, it is a way of life!”

You might that this is the end of the story, and for many years it was.  The typical response from the choir was an indignant “Hrumpf” from the sopranos and laughter from the other sections of the choir.  That was until Cara.  Cara was a talented ninth grader who ended up in my soprano section one year.  She was outgoing, personable and energetic.  I could tell the first moment that I met her that she lived music.  As it always happened, an alto made a remark and I responded with, “Soprano is not just a voice range, it is a way of life,” and class resumed as it always did.  2 days later, Cara came bounding into the room and presented me with a sign.   The sign was clearly made in study hall, since it was made with colored pencils and stapled together pieces of 8 ½” x 11” computer paper.  In full color, it read….you guessed it…. Soprano is not just a voice range, it is a way of life!  It was clear to me that Cara had fully adopted this quote as a mantra.  She was actually a very bright young lady who excelled in all of her classes…including music.  She would play the stereotype in class from time to time, just for laughs, but we all knew better.

There is another side of the soprano stereotype.  The really successful ones are driven, confident, goal –oriented, dedicated and frequently unwilling to accept defeat.  This is the mantra Cara had adopted.

This got me thinking… The statement, “Soprano is not just a voice range, it is a way of life!” is far more powerful than it would seem as you heard it told in the story.  Think about it for a minute…what if we could adopt that mantra in other parts of our life.  Father, its not just a title it’s a way of life, or shoe salesman, its not just a job it’s a way of life.

This statement is truly about acceptance.  I ACCEPT that I am a Soprano, father or salesman and I am willing to make it an integral part of who I am, a way of life.  Acceptance it defined as a willingness to believe that something is true.    Self-acceptance is the act of embracing all the facets of who you are, good and bad, without judgment.   According to Dr. Leon F. Seltzer in his 2008 article Psychologytoday.com, if you genuinely want to improve your self-esteem, you need to explore the parts of yourself that you are not yet able to accept.”  In essence, if you want to have high self-esteem, you need to have self-acceptance.

Think for a moment about that.  Imagine embracing all the parts of who you are and not just the good parts.  Imagine waking up each day able to accept your strengths and weaknesses.  By accepting your weaknesses you can develop strategies to work with them, instead of just pretending that they don’t exist.  Let’s face it, we all have weaknesses.  I have a weakness for maintaining an exercise routine…I fight with it every day.  Each morning I can choose one of two thoughts, “Man, I didn’t exercise yesterday, I was going every day for 2 weeks and yesterday I slacked off….I am such a failure…I may as well give up” or “I have such a hard time getting myself to exercise  every day, yesterday was a setback, but today I am going get out there and try again!”  One thought leads to disappointment, depression or denial and the other is a positive force which can help to motivate.

My story of Cara is a light-hearted tale, but the lesson it teaches is very significant.  Cara accepted all the parts of “being a soprano.”  She accepted the negatives and embraced them to create comedy and liven others spirits.  She accepted the positives and embraced them to become a strong student and singer.  Her complete ACCEPTANCE of being a soprano shows us the conviction that we should all strive for in our several walks of life.

Soprano is not just a voice change it is a way of life.  How can look at the many hats you wear each day and live this mantra?  How would your day be different if you accepted who you were in your profession and committed to using your strengths and weaknesses as effectively as possible.  What about the facets of your personal life?  Remember how happy Cara was when she presented me with that sign?  Think about how happy you could be if you ACCEPTED who you are.

So today I ask you…what does your sign say today?  Fill in the blank, “__________ its not just a _____________ its a way of life!  What does it mean to to be a ______________ (first blank – teacher, friend, mother, etc…).  What does it look like when you are fully committed and making it a way of life?  And most importantly, can you Cheerfully Accept all the parts of being a ____________? And use them to motivate and power your day?  Remember the 4 steps!  Have a GREAT day!

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Step 3….or is it Step 4….

The past few days of posts have spent a lot of time on Steps 1 & 2 of Cheerful Acceptance.  I believe that is necessary because Step 1 (Choose an Attitude of Cheerfulness) and Step 2 (Acknowledge what is true today…without judgment) can be very difficult steps.  I know that for me, I am not consistently accomplishing Step 1 and I have only scratched the surface on Step 2.  Regardless of that however, I want to write some lines about step 3… Choose something to focus on.  Step 3 is the “call to action” step.  After Step 1 & 2….you might be thinking, “Great…I have all these parts of my identity sitting at the table….now what do I do with them?”  That is where step 3 come in.

I have commented in previous posts that the process of Cheerful Acceptance is not just about resigning ourselves to the things in Step 2 being true the rest of our lives.  There are very few things that are true today that have to be true tomorrow.  Just because I have acknowledged and accepted that I am overweight today….does not mean I have to be overweight tomorrow.  Step 1 and Step 2 are about mindset.  Step 1 and Step 2 allow me to acknowledge I am overweight without engaging in the negative self-talk of “I am a bad person because I am overweight.”

Step 3 might better well be Choose something to focus on and do something about it!  Making changes in your life is all about choosing where to focus your energy.  We have a finite amount of energy so we need to ration it effectively.  You cannot choose to focus on everything everyday…no one can.  This brings us back to the nature of Step 3…FOCUS….In Step 2 we identify all of these things that are true today…which one is most important to you today?  Is it a strength?  If so, how can you focus on that change and do something about it?  If I have identified that today one of my strengths is that I am intelligent…how can I do something about that?  Do I want more intelligence?  What steps can I take today to FOCUS on that strength…  Or how about this, “I am intelligent, but I often get lost in my thoughts.”  Strength or weakness?  It doesn’t really matter because the bigger question is what do we DO about it?  The focus in that becomes, “I acknowledge that I have a tendency to get lost in thought, what can I DO today to be more present and less “in my head”?  The key with each of our truths we acknowledge is that we need to decide if we want them to continue to sit at the table or do we want to change their existence.  How do we want the picture of who is sitting at the table to change in the future?  Who will still be there tomorrow and who will we send home?

In light of this question….I am thinking I may add a step…

Step 1 – Choose an Attitude of Cheerfulness

Step 2 – Acknowledge what is True Today….without judgment.

Step 3 – Decide how we want what is true tomorrow to be different from today

Step 4 – Choose something to focus on today….and DO something about it

How do you want your picture to be different tomorrow?  What can you FOCUS on today and DO something about?  Have a GREAT day!

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